Why You Might Be Passive Aggressive As An HSP + How To Fix That

I know the journey to passive aggressiveness very well – and you probably do too.

 

It starts with a triggering word or action from a loved one. Maybe they have a bad habit of not picking up after themselves, they misinterpret something you said or did, or you catch them being deceitful.

 

But because you’re ready to offer people the benefit of the doubt, you wait to see how they react and respond to your discomfort first.

 

You observe. And what you observe can enrage you.

 

So… how the hell do you deal with these feelings if you’re trying to healthily detach?

 

If you’re trying to take back your power and not let others dictate your feelings, what do you do? It feels counterintuitive to speak up when you’d much rather walk away.

 

I’ve coached plenty of HSPs on this, and here’s what I believe to be key for you to understand about yourself if you’re struggling with passive aggressiveness.

 

#1: You Are The Activist And Advocate

As an HSP, you naturally have a strong sense of right and wrong that’s founded in your ‘sense of the subtleties’ – one of your characteristics, which I explain in this podcast episode.

 

A.K.A. A lot of what you pick up on is what the people around you often miss.

 

This ability of yours is why you show up for others the way you do – with assuredness, with compassion – because you see what the hell is going on.

 

You can also see when others aren’t showing up for you. And it can feel unjust.

 

Becoming aware of your sense of justice is essential because without said awareness, it’s easier to become passive aggressive.

 

Instead of communicate your feelings and frustrations with someone so they know they’ve hurt you, you can unintentionally write them off as a bad person and hypothetically sentence them to death without letting them know of their crimes.

 

You’re quick to catch the errors of other’s behavior because you’re sensitive to the repercussions, so by speaking up, you’re doing your environment and yourself a favor.

 

#2: You Feel Others Don’t Try As Hard As You

There’s this moment I’ve seen many highly sensitive women go through when they realize the people around them have not shown up for them when it was needed most.

 

In small ways. In the mundane. In the day to day, and in the unspoken exchanges within community.

 

It hurts, and here’s why:

 

You’re expecting others to operate like you. You expect them to see the world the way you do, and you become disappointed when words and actions don’t mean the same to your loved ones.

 

You’re confrontation-avoidant. Your fear of confrontation makes these conversations daunting, but not speaking on them just allows for your emotions to build momentum (and if you’d like to know how to deal with high-momentum emotions, this podcast episode is for you).

 

 

So What’s The Solution? Radical Responsibility

When you accept the role of Primary Provider over your HSP traits and needs, you start sitting in the driver’s seat of your life (which can be overwhelming if you’ve been a passenger princess for a while, allowing others to steer your emotions and life direction).

 

Because now, you need to know what that engine light being on means, or how to change your tire pressure (and the importance of having them at a certain level).

 

You need to start knowing the how’s and the why’s for your needs.

 

This way, when someone else’s actions bother or trigger you, you don’t make them responsible for the fulfillment of your needs. You can hold them accountable for their behavior instead, without the internal tension.

 

To start, remove phrasing like:

 

“They make me feel…”

 

“If only they would/wouldn’t…”

 

“They could’ve done/said something about this, but now I have to.”

 

You cannot control the actions of others, and the sooner you accept this and let it go, the sooner you’ll find safety in your own presence that leaves no room for resentment to build.

 

Summary

Be careful of resorting to being passive aggressive. You are a master at sensing subtleties. Clocking the unspoken and adjusting accordingly. Please do not expect others to be this way.

 

Taking accountability of your needs as an HSP looks like clear communication and compassionate detachment.

 

You’ve got this🌷