Understanding Emotional Intelligence + How To Authentically Build Your EQ

Emotional intelligence is just as important as any other type of intelligence, if not more.

 

Not everyone has to be “book smart” to be successful in their personal lives or even their careers. Especially now, with the knowledge of the world at our fingertips.

 

But emotional intelligence is utilized in every situation – when dealing with other people, having to suck it up and deal with yourself, at work, at home, within every relationship you have in your life.

 

The thing is, the more you develop it, the better you get at managing your life and relationships. It’s no wonder companies have an increasing focus on honing this intelligence within their employees in the workplace.

 

Let’s get into what emotional intelligence is and how you can work on developing your existing intelligence!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence (or EI) is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, as well as successfully maintain balanced and fair relationships.

 

There’s a clear effect this intelligence has on a person’s life. It’s easier for them to calm themselves down, empathize with others, and turn a negative situation around.

 

Just think of the people in your life who are usually cool, calm, and collected. They always seem to know what to say in tough situations, and you trust their judgment. Probably because they don’t allow their emotions to consume them and act irrationally.

 

First, let’s talk about what EI isn’t:

• Happiness
• Calmness
• Optimism
• Motivation

It might be easier for highly emotionally intelligent people to access these feelings, but that’s due to their EI. The higher your emotional intelligence, the better you are at managing tough feelings and situations.

 

To Be Clear: It doesn’t mean you’re always great or hard to get down. It means you can experience the wide spectrum of emotions and have it serve you. 

 

Please remember that before you proceed.

 

Now, let’s break down the 4 domains of EI.

 

The 4 Domains of EI

Self Awareness

Emotionally intelligent people are aware of and understand their emotions, thoughts, and actions.

 

It’s not just about “keeping your cool” either, because you can seem as cool as a cucumber by avoiding your emotions altogether, which misses the point entirely.

 

Being able to name your emotions is the first step towards better understanding them. Emotions get trickier and messier the more intimate the relationship. 

 

If you also happen to be a highly sensitive person (lots of readers of the blog are!), it’s easy to get overstimulated by your emotions if you don’t have a good grasp of them.

 

Your awareness of your emotional processes are key to avoiding overwhelm in the face of conflict.

 

Self Management

By regulating your emotions, you can show up as yourself in any given situation. You don’t run the risk of regretting your words or actions because you think before you act.

 

You can also channel your emotions in a productive way. For instance, you can better focus on your achievements instead of dwell on your failures. Or in relational conflicts, tackle a problem as a team instead of defensively.

 

Social Awareness

Those with high EI are able to successfully pinpoint the emotions of others and empathize with them. They may make others feel understood and treat them fairly, for example.

 

Understanding the “temperature” in conversations is another strength this aspect of your emotional intelligence offers you. Knowing when’s the right time to make a comment, land a risky joke, bring up something that means something to you are all signs of great social awareness.

 

Relationship Management

Once you understand the people around you and truly empathize with them, skills like communication, decision making, and leadership are strengthened!

 

You can show up authentically in your relationships with these skills because you’re better equipped to handle situations where you need to consider the emotions of others.

The Key To Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence isn’t something that can be measured yet, so it’s a bit controversial in the science space. A lot of scientists bring up this issue to argue, is it a real concept if it’s immeasurable?

 

This intelligence has taken the world by storm and in a beautiful way. It’s why I got certified in Emotional Intelligence coaching when I did – because the impact on everybody, but especially for highly sensitive people, is undeniably life-changing.

 

This concept is not one of fiction; it’s constantly being researched and is identifiable. It’s just…malleable. There are so many elements to EI, beyond the 4 Domains! So even if you thrive in certain aspects, there’s always room to improve in others. By having a growth mindset, you can grow your EI.

 

This brings me to the foundation of this concept. I believe the building block to higher emotional intelligence is obvious:

 

It’s mindfulness.

How else can you build self-awareness?

Or consider the emotions of others?

Or meet others in conflict with grace?

 

Practicing mindfulness can make developing your EI a seamless process. In the next section, I’ll show you how mindful practices do just that.

Tips On How To Improve Your EI

There are people who are naturally emotionally intelligent. Highly sensitive people, for example, are one of the many small groups of the population who have innate emotional intelligence. 

 

However, even if you’re not one of them, you can still work to improve your EI. Anyway, those with innate emotional intelligence still benefit from improving theirs.

 

This intelligence benefits so many aspects of your life! It builds self-confidence, makes you less stressed, strengthens your relationships, and improves life satisfaction. Due to this, it’s worth it to develop it.

 

Here are some ways to improve on each domain of emotional intelligence.

 

Self Awareness

Try journaling and re-reading your entries afterward. This can help you identify your emotions and observe your reactions. You can also build a meditation practice. Giving yourself space to observe your thoughts without judgment is crucial to not only self-awareness but inner peace.

 

I go more in-depth about these tips in my article about healing your relationship with yourself. The methods in this article will help you along this journey of emotional intelligence.

 

Self Management

To regulate your emotions, it’s helpful to take pauses throughout the day. Especially in the middle of lively conversations. Try breathing exercises, or treat these pauses as mini-mediation sessions. The goal is to think before you act.

 

This can look like asking yourself, “Is this emotion benefiting me in anyway? How can it? If it can’t, what do I need to change?”

 

Over time, reflecting and adapting your emotions to best fit your situation will come naturally to you.

 

Social Awareness

This is where you practice putting yourself in others’ shoes. Understanding that everyone is different and reacts to situations differently is key. To start, you can people watch.

 

It’s not as creepy as it initially sounds! Getting the chance to observe the world and the people in it is truly an eye-opening experience that we often do much more than we’d like to admit.

 

So, next time you do walk into a store to shop, spend time in the park, or waiting on a long line, take a second to look around you. Try to gage how the people around you are feeling, and how they’re dealing with their situations. Observe and analyze without judgment.

 

Relationship Management

It’s all about maintaining fairness and balance within your relationships. So next time you have a conversation with someone, seek to understand. For this, you want to put the first three tips in action.

 

Put yourself in your friend/partner/coworker’s shoes. Ask open-ended and clarifying questions to gain insight. Give them your undivided attention.

 

Recognize your excitement and where you might be interrupting the flow of conversation, or how your perspective does or does not allow space for other opinions to exist.

 

Practice this in group settings as well! These habits will prove beneficial to the chaotic energy a group sometimes brings. Most often than not, it’ll encourage the people around you to improve their EI capabilities too.

I’ve just scratched the surface of emotional intelligence and how to authentically build your EI!

 

By practicing these tips with mindfulness and a growth mindset, you’ll undoubtedly experience the positive transformations that comes with it. Every method I’ve listed details a mindful approach to treating yourself and others.

 

You’ve got to be open to first understanding, and then acting upon your understanding. That’s truly the whole point of EI; it’s the power of emotion.

 

Until next time.

You need emotional intelligence; to be happy to take risks; to be competitive and to look forward not backwards.

Deborah Meaden