How To Cope With Depression In A Relationship

Depression in a relationship can be challenging to navigate, but it doesn’t have to be.

Yes, it affects our partners. It affects the people we love the most.

But one thing depression loves to do is convince us we can’t have healthy relationships. Platonic, romantic, familial – depressing thoughts can be pretty insistent that we’re not good at being good partners.

But that’s not reality. You can have healthy relationships while depressed, and you can be a good friend/partner/sibling/son/daughter, etc. These aren’t mutually exclusive, no matter how much your brain tries to convince you of otherwise.

Uncertainty is an old friend in the relationships we keep, and that’s okay. It’s how we shift and grow with our loved ones. So if you’re not sure about how to navigate your depression or your partner’s depression in your relationship, here are some steps you can take to strengthen your bond (all practiced firsthand by yours truly).

Here’s how to cope with depression in a relationship as a unit.

Meet Your Partner With Honesty

Finding out your partner is struggling is painful, especially if you find out later than you would’ve liked. Depression is truly an invisible injury, so it’s hard to help when you don’t know what’s going on.

If you’re depressed, it’s common to think that no one can help with your depression, and so by telling others about it, you’re burdening them with this knowledge knowing they can’t do much to change it.

At the end of the day, we want to be there for the people we love. Most often than not, knowing what’s going on is how we’re able to show up for them.

So, if you’re concerned about your partner, ask them about it and trust they will confide in you when they’re ready. If you’re the one dealing with depression, letting your partner in is how you solidify your support system so you’re not alone in this.

Veteran Tip: Don’t be alone in this.

Practice Healthy Coping Strategies

You want to make sure you’re actively treating your depression symptoms while in a relationship because your mental health can affect your partner too. I know it’s something those of us with depression fear – letting our illness bring down the people we care about, so this is key.

In my post on growing up with depression, I list a bunch of options for young people who are newly navigating their symptoms, but I truly believe it will help anyone who deals with depression.

To add to those coping strategies, you can also;

• Seek therapy or counseling
• Set a routine and stick with it
• Move your body regularly (however you prefer)
• Meditate regularly

The focus for this is to be open to trying out options that are accessible to you. Be open to changes in your routine so that your mental health reaps the benefits.

Face Depression As A Team

When dealing with depression in a relationship, it’s best to talk about it openly. You don’t want your depression to be a scary, negative conversation every time it’s brought up. You want it to be an important conversation that brings you and your partner closer.

How can depression be a scary, negative conversation with a loved one, you ask?

Well, if every time you bring up your depression, your partner responds with feeling helpless and saddened by the fact, and this is followed by…not much else, then you’re probably not having the most productive conversations.

Confiding in your partner should provide intimacy between you, no matter the problem. So let them know what coping strategies are working or not working, new methods you want to try, or ask them for ideas. Research options together. Let it be a topic that brings up safety in your relationship, not insecurity.

Encourage Your Partner To Self Care

When dealing with depression in a relationship it’s essential that both you and your partner prioritize self-care individually.

This makes a difference in the tone of your conversations about mental health; it prevents you from draining or being drained by the other.

Yes, it’s important to have a network of support and your partner is probably your primary person in that network. But, the same way you can rely on your partner for support, you’ve got to be able to rely on yourself for support.

I go in-depth about this in my post on self-trust, so if you’d like to know more I highly suggest you read it. In my opinion (and experience), being self-reliant changes the game with your mental health struggles, and it all starts with developing trust in yourself.

Remember, you are a part of your support system too!

Be Flexible With Quality Time

Quality time with each other might start to look different when depression becomes a struggle. Maybe dates aren’t an appealing idea anymore, or the mutual interest in a tv show fades. This is normal with depression.

When depression takes away our enjoyment of our favorite things, it’s immediately felt in our relationship dynamics. That’s why, on top of checking in with each other, it’s important to adapt!

Maybe quality time looks like staying in for a while or listening to music instead of watching a movie. Maybe cuddling in silence feels better, or going for a walk when you’d normally stay in.

You want to find a balance between respecting your boundaries while coping and practicing getting out of your comfort zone to alleviate your symptoms. Too much of either can do more harm than good, so be open with your partner to change.

Don’t be discouraged with change either. Instead of seeing it as permanent, treat it for what it is: you and your partner being flexible with your situation. That’s how a team operates.

This was how to cope with depression in a relationship. It’s not impossible, it just takes showing up for yourself and your partner. Ya know, effort. If you feel like your partner isn’t putting in said effort, then they’re probably not aware of it. Transparency and patience are going to take you far in this journey, and it’s gotta go both ways.

Until next time.

Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.

Walter Winchell