As some who’s dealt with anxiety for years, a reoccurring issue for me has been lacking enough self trust to make better decisions. I haven’t heard much about this from others, unfortunately, but a simple google search will let you know this is a pretty common problem.
Just read this report from The Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health: “Young people with depression tended to report lower self-esteem than those with anxiety disorders, while those with both anxiety and depression were found to have the lowest self-esteem. Young people with any mental health problems tended to have lower self-esteem than those who do not have mental health problems.”
So, why is that?
From what I know, anxiety can easily make you your own worst critic, whether you have an official diagnosis or not. However, this problem can be amplified when you’re struggling with anxiety as an illness.
To give you a better idea, here’s how anxiety can hurt self trust.
How Anxiety Ruins Self Trust
Causes Self Directed Anger
I know I can get pretty fed up with myself when my anxiety is debilitating. However, anger and frustration never solves anything, especially when aimed at yourself. Instead, it can encourage thoughts like these:
- “You never do anything right.”
- “This always happens when I try.”
- “Why am I like this?”
These thoughts aren’t productive at all. When you don’t stop them in their tracks, they eat away at your self trust, which stunts your personal development. Think about it this way; if you bully yourself for having anxiety, why would you then trust in yourself to make beneficial life choices? It would be challenging to feel self confident enough to implement personal growth.
Keeps You From Taking Risks
Because anxiety can encourage unproductive thought patterns as shown above, self trust is a real issue for people with anxiety disorders. A lack of self trust can stop you from venturing on and taking healthy risks. Instead, it can make you doubt your abilities and hinder your life in the long run (queue the existential crisis – ouch).
Hurts Your Relationships
People with anxiety disorders can face the self-directed question, “How can others trust you when you can’t trust yourself?”
If you think that’s harsh then, believe me, that’s not the worst of an anxiety spiral.
This is how anxiety stops you from enjoying interpersonal relationships. You can easily get caught up worrying about not being a good friend/partner/sibling instead of focusing that energy on building upon your relationships authentically.
(Ya know, instead of sabotaging them because you want to punish yourself. Yeah, a lack of self trust will do just that).
I’m more than familiar with this battle. But I’ve taken the steps necessary to rebuild trust in myself and become my own cheerleader.
Trying to do the same?
Here are 7 steps you can take to build genuine self trust while coping with an anxiety disorder.
7 Steps Towards Genuine Self Trust While Coping With Anxiety
1. List Thoughts That Are Consistently Troubling You
Sometimes we don’t even realize self trust is our issue. Take a moment to write down what’s causing your anxiety. This will put everything out on the table, so to speak. You can see everything that has been torturing you right in front of you (and not swirling around in your head over and over again, hiding in random places).
2. Ask Yourself Why
Why don’t you trust yourself with these problems? By answering this honestly, either more anxious thoughts will form…or you’ll come up blank. Either is just fine. It’s okay to say I don’t know. Just be honest with yourself. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you can rationalize your anxieties.
3. Decipher What’s Real and What’s Not
Having your thoughts out in front of you allows you to experience them differently. Instead of being insistent facts in your mind, you see them for what they truly are. So, what’s real to you? And then, what’s the anxiety saying to you? We treat these as the same when they’re actually different; one is real and one is made up.
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4. Reflect On Your Abilities
I practice this every time I’m feeling self-doubt or fearful of the future. Reflecting on what you’re capable of reinforces self trust because you’re literally giving yourself a chance to approach a situation before writing yourself off. Consider this extending an olive branch to yourself. Even if the task at hand is new and daunting, reflecting on your abilities will set your expectations right and have you on a growth mindset; “Well, if I did (blank), then I could probably do this too.”
5. Accept Failure As An Option
You might be thinking, “Well, I don’t need to, my anxiety does that for me.” And I get it, that’s what I used to believe too.
Fortunately, I’ve since realized that my anxiety is not me.
Refer to Step 4 again for this. Your anxious thoughts are not your real thoughts. They’re often an unwelcome addition to your thoughts and nothing more.
Accepting failure as an option means that whatever lies ahead of you is welcomed as a lesson, no matter the outcome. That’s the sort of mindset you need to practice when dealing with anxiety, a.k.a. a growth mindset (there’s that term again – I will touch on this in a later post).
6. Let Go Of Control
So, maybe your anxious thoughts aren’t about you, but about other people. Often, our anxiety can have us shaking about things that are completely out of our control (which is super annoying and draining might I add).
Don’t punish yourself for things you have no control of. Spend your energy learning the lesson at hand and view it as an opportunity for growth.
7. Be Optimistic (hear me out)
You can argue that all these steps are encouraging you to be more optimistic, to which I would reply with “Good! That’s the point!” Anxiety keeps us pessimistic and fearful of the future, which drains us over time. Even when I was at my most fragile state of mind, completely convinced that I had no one to turn to, I remembered I had myself. No matter what state I’m in, there’s always going to be me in my corner. The faster I accepted this in my journey the easier it was to become reliant on myself again.
And sure that can sound…lonely, but when you’re optimistic about being there for yourself, it can actually fill you with relief. Because the anxiety probably isn’t going anywhere, but it becomes way more manageable when you can trust in yourself.
Becoming aware of your thoughts and seeing them for what they truly are is a powerful thing, and even those of us with mental illness can access this. Continuing to show up for ourselves this way, however we can, will build a bond with self that’s unshakeable.
Until next time.
Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.
Golda Meir
